10th june 2006
I’m way too edgy and twitchy as we have started on the train. Hiro as obviously noted this…. As he leans to my side, I get flustered. But he passes by me and opens the window. The wind hits my face, but not as violently as I expected. I feel as if my jittery feelings have flown away, as if the wind understood, hiro understood these neurotic thoughts and wanted to calm me down. I took a deep breath and sighed as I snuggled into his shoulder. He wrapped his hand around my waist..
I thought about how disparate I had become after meeting hiro. Since I could think for myself,I felt a strange loneliness even within my family, as if I had never been fully appreciated. I realized that hiro acted to my mute thoughts viscerally. He had become an irreplaceable existence for me in such an ephemeral time. I wish I could cherish him, protect him with what I have got and grow strong enough to protect him completely….
Now I have decided to act on it…I will definitely grow stronger and protect him..
As the scenery passed by in a blur, too fast for my weak eyes to form the shape in my mind, the only thing that remained immutable and incessant was my favorite cerulean sky…
………..
We arrived at the ryokan ( the hotel with onsens ) and the managing couple greeted us with open hearts. We were shown to our rooms which were with every etiquette and spacious. With my Adam’s apple trying to escape from the ribcage, I glided mechanically.
The kind oji san left us to our sanctum. I was staring stupidly at the beautiful fusuma and shoji covered with a pattern of lilies, when he called out to me. I was shaking, as it was, I was on tenterhooks.. turning around I said with a tremble in my voice,”yes?” then it broke and I gulped. He was surprised. Sitting on the bed, he beckoned me with his index finger. I acquiescently followed and sat with a bit of distance between us. OH MY GOD this is it, was on repeat in my mind.
Seconds ticked by so I got a bit impatient peeked sideways. He was staring at me with a frown, I almost heard the sound “tch”.. straightening up, and locking his eyes with mine, he said, “I won’t be forcing you or anything. I’m not such a monster. So relax. Eyebrows knitted down, his eyes showed such a painful expression that I felt such guilt piling up in my stomach, it weighed me down heavily.. with a casual ‘going to the public baths’, he left.
I was appalled at myself-that pain was because of my stupidity and lack of courage, I caused it. What inconsiderate idiotic behavior!! Anything I came up seemed to be lame excuse. I needed to take a hold of myself; after all I had been ready for awhile now. It would be all right, didn’t I trust Hiro??? I loved him.
I ran out of the room and my eyes found him just about to enter the bath. I shouted. He seemed immobilized and the laser blues found me. I grabbed his hand and said, “please!!!” it sounded pathetic but I didn’t care. He understood and began walking with me. We came to our room and time had stopped, it seemed. Sitting on the bed, I took a deep breath and exhaled in a huff. “I love you. I’m ready, I wont be scared anymore. It never occurred to me that you would be hurt.
He was staggered. I looked into the twinkling cerulean ocean and loved it. I was melting away and seemed to dissolve in that blue..time meant nothing.. impetuously he stood up. I followed like a mirror. At the bath’s shoji, he gazed at me then opened the door and went in.
I slowly removed every shred of cloth on me then wrapped a towel, thinking about it and also, trying not to think..
I couldn’t see through the heavy steam that hung in the air after i had opened the shoji. He seemed to be already in the water facing the stone wall. Letting go of the towel, I let my foot shyly explore the temperature of the velvety water. Slowly, my whole body was immersed in the water, making gentle lapping sounds. He turned and slowly volunteered his hand, in which my hand snuggled immediately. Guiding it, he placed it on his chest. Overwhelmed, I noticed underneath the warmth, his heart beating just as wildly as mine. He was feeling the same way as me!!!!! Incredible!! I smiled shyly. He came closer. His eyelashes were very long…. Dew hung onto their tips…
And the dew drop fell on my cheek, sliding away from my cheek into the hot water as his eyes closed……………..
11th june 2006
Such a deep sleep, why did the sun have to pierce my eyes now?? His hand turned my head towards him and laid it on his chest, his other arm shielding my eyes. I let out a sigh. Chortling, he said, “it tickles, you know!!! Smiling, I pecked him and greeted him a good morning. And before I knew it, I had been pinned down on the futon- his lazy and careless voice silkily said, “ trying to tease me in the morning now, are we??”
Kisses rained down my neck..
A growl came. MY stomach!!! SO EMBARASSING!! Geez! At a time like this!!
“though what else do you expect, mikan?? You hadn’t eaten anything because you were nervous last night…”
I thought wryly that how well he knew me.. we had breakfast then went on for sight seeing.. Hokkaido is brilliant!!!!! Every sight left me gaping!! J the day was so exhausting that I slept at the dinner table..!
12th june 2006
The wind was ruffling my hair. i found his arm beneath it. Seems he carried me to our room! UGH! I must have been really heavy!! I was frowning, brows knitted together when he woke up, ruffling my hair … “if you would have been too light, I would have worried!!” ;) eyes widening for a moment, I let out a laugh….
We left in the afternoon and got back around nightfall. Mom n dad weren’t home, Hiro dropped me at the doorstep. I saw that the porch light was on. Saori nee surprised me as soon as I entered and squealed,” I saw him, he’s sooooo cute!! Why didn’t you introduce us?????
I said with some mischievous evasiveness, that it would have to wait, besides hadn’t it got pretty late??
Saori nee looked at me, literally staring, and I blushed at her x-ray gaze. “ have you been using make up????/ your skin looks so radiant…. But ….”
I was surprised when she said that… I ran to the bathroom to check but couldn’t find any difference… O_O was she pulling my leg ? ?
18th july 2006
Surprisingly even aya chan said that I looked more “beautiful” than before…july seems to have become a very special month indeed. Today is Hiro’s birthday- I secretly found out since he wouldn’t tell me of course.. I haven’t wished him yet… I wanted to plan a surprise for him!! The hardest part was to find out what he yearned for the most.. I didn’t have the nerve to ask his onee chan because I got intimidatedby her ‘punk rock appearance’ so I met with aya and her boyfriend, explaining to him my crisis. Nozomu- kun, aya’s boyfriend and Hiro’s best friend, seemed ready to help.he was just about to tell me when aya’s phone roared angrily. Hurriedly scurrying towards the bathroom, she mouthed ‘MOM’ to us.
I shook my head and thought, she must have broke curfew and stuff… nozomu kun confirmed my hunch and said that he would tell me to get it over with quickly as aya and he had planned a date afterwards. He said ,” motorcycles! Hiro’s a motorcycle freak. You may already know that.. he’s been rebuilding a Harley Davidson he needs a spare part for it, you think you can handle that??” I nodded and asked him to write the name of that part on a piece of paper. But he asked whether I would be able to understand the quality and so on. I said that I wouldn’t be exactly sure about that. I must have had a really doubtful expression on my face so he agreed to accompany me. “should we wait for aya?”
“then go and ask her about it, if her mom hears me over the phone it will be a storm she will face at home..”
I found her in the washroom she seemed to be in rather a pickle.. her mom wanted her back at home so I explained things to her and she told me to go ahead and go to buy that spare part. She would try to convince mom and join us at the scrap yard. I went back, told nozomu-kun and we headed to the scrap yard, downtown. After 3 grueling hours of going through the whole yard, we found the spare part!!!!! I thought how happy Hiro would be to see it.. ..
We headed back towards our house, I had asked aya about her situation earlier. She seemed to be delighted to know that we’d found the part, But was really down in the dumps that her mom had grounded her..
As we’re walking from the train station, on my shoulder, a hand stopped me gently yet forcing me. A bolt of lightening went down my spine. My head whipped around and I saw 2 blazing blues looking down on me I was surprised and blanked out for a second… a crunch and thud brought me back from my stupor as I saw a fist throwing a punch, blood spurted out and nozomu kun fell on the ground. I realized this and grabbed Hiro’s fist. with eyes squeezed shut he swooped my hand and took me with such force that I thought I was being carried away by the wind….
Even though he was in a fit of rage, he was exceedingly gentle in his grip over my hand.. I was amazed…
We had come to an alley. Now he faced me with frozen icy blues. “what the hell were you doing with him?” they seemed to ask. I tried to calm him by holding his gaze and slowly reached out to his cheek. He twitched. I stopped then he came in I put my palm over his cheek bone…
I opened the clothe bag and showed him. His eyes widened. As all the dominoes fell in place, in his mind. I said, “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” and embraced his chest and squeezed his waist as tightly as I could.
His hands wrapped around my waist n his head on my shoulders.. I felt the warmth and melted into him. We broke apart and he called up nozomu kun. I felt I was floating on cloud nine.. all those working hours had paid off. As I thought back I had forgotten to tell Hiro that I had been working and hoped he had figured out why we met for a shorter time than usual these past few weeks…
Hiro explained to me in the garage back at his home that this spare part was the only one missing in his Harley Davidson. I couldn’t have felt any happier. I had found something new about Hiro today….. about mu cerulean blue sky….. it was one of the best days……………………….of my life!
31st august 2006
And in the blink of an eye, the new school year has come. The falling sakura will be memorable sight tomorrow when we go to school together..
Summer break flew by at such a lightening speed that I cant get a hold of my thoughts. 30th july was a very special day for us. Hiro took me on his bike to his favorite place which was the highest altitude point around the city, it was a picturesque view of the sprawling city.. Hiro has special memories of this place and loves to feel the wind. It had become like a meadow there, wild orangish flowers were blooming, cicadas screeching and the leaves rustling. The wind was whispering so many stories today and it behaved mischievously. Running a hand through my hair, closing my eyes I experienced a strange satisfaction in my heart. An amazing day!!!!!!!!!
The next memorable day was my birthday- 27th july. Hiro was of course the very first one to wish me, he had asked me to keep the evening free. Aya and the others were meeting me at the nearby restaurant we celebrated by eating our favourite dishes and lots of desserts!! Everyone had pooled in together for an outfit, a cerulean blue dress, it touched me so much that I cried and we hugged each other. Aya came with me to help me get ready, after we split up.. she had me put a bit of gloss and mascara!! For which I was hesitant..
Hiro came to pick me up and when I had taken the seat behind him, he turned back and said, “hey, what happened? You look different than usual, a bit strange..” I exclaimed,”ah! NO! I knew it was strange” then he said laughingly,” ha ha ha! Gotcha!! Of course you look beautiful!!” I squeezed his waist tightly and laid my head on his warm back.. Hiro took me to his house and cooked me a special meal- all my favorites. I enjoyed it a lot. Then we went to the beach just as the sun was setting, this setting sun was Hiro’s gift to me and the wind brought unimaginable feelings with it.. I closed my eyes n saw the red light of this sun under my eyelids… then Hiro parted my hair at the nape of my neck, I heard the jingle of something, a clink, then I felt something at my neck. Opening my eyes, I saw a blue stone that was the exact shade of his eyes. I couldnt utter a single sound. He came in front of me the setting sun, he looked beautiful.he wrapped me in his arms and I hugged him, squeezing tightly, my tears soaking his shirt just below the shoulder…
..
Such happiness I never knew could exist. We were gradually adding these beads of happiness to this unpredictable string of life…… to me Hiro was just like the wind- I thought that when he showed me his favorite place. I would easily be picked up by this wind, be blown away, travel to new places, experience new feelings with him..
Ah, I have to fall asleep now or I wont get up in time for tomorrow. OYASUMI!! J
1st september 2006
I will be remembering today for this terrifying incident……….
Hiro was going to lunch with his friends as they had been complaining that he’d forgotten them because of his girlfriend…. So I also had the opportunity to eat with aya n the others… some seniors came to our class n called out, ‘sakura mikan’ … I was a bit bewildered that seniors wanted to talk to me as I had never gotten involved with them…
Apprehensively I had to go with them.. after we had crossed the gate , a hand flew passed me and I felt giddy, I must have blacked out… because when I came to, I seemed to be in a large space which felt like an empty warehouse. 
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